SEO Losers

I’m in a good mood today so instead of bagging another SEO loser I’m going to be a little more positive. StepForth Placement have pretty good SEO beginners article in their last newsletter entitled Demystifying Your Competitor’s Ranking Success.

There is some useful stuff in there though I’m certain many web masters would cringe at the idea of newbies running Xenu’s Link Sleuth against a 10000+ page website just to get some stats.

So take note before you run Xenu against any of my sites:

Everytime you waste my bandwidth, God kills a kitten

Recently received the following email to one of our support email address.

******** just sent you this link:

https://namesdatabase.c*m/1l.pl?c1=**********

Instructions

1. Click on your link above to activate it.

2. Complete your info to enter the Web site.

****** selected you for this on 07-04-2006 05:50 ET.

I think there is a good argument to be made for “Tell a friend” scripts and viral networking sites to filter email address that are obviously not personal addresses. For a start your could at least eliminate:-

root
webmaster
support
sales
admin
mail
ticket
billing
accounts
enquiry
membership
subscriptions
majordomo
lists

and there are heaps more.

I’ve just had the best idea. It is so original. No one has ever done it before.

You see what I’m going to do is create a really lame directory site on some lame .info or .biz domain (’cause all the best .coms are taken).

Then I’m going to add people to my directory and email to tell them to tell them that I’ve linked to them. That will publicise the site without it being spam and if I’m lucky they will link back to me.

Wow this is such a great idea. I’m such a genius.

Dear webmaster,

I’m the <insert lame job title> at <insert lame .info or .biz domain name>

I’ve collected quality links to other website that related on the Internet on my links page.

I came across your site and feel that it’d perfectly fit in my collection of quality links about <insert field your lame business specialises>.

I’ve already placed a link to your web site along with a description at <insert lame .info or .biz domain name>/<insert vaguely relivent category>.

I’d appreciate if you’d place a link back to my site using the following link and description:
Title : <insert lame of your lame website>
URL Address : <insert lame .info or .biz domain name>
Description : <insert lame decription of your lame website>

If you’d like the description of your site modified or if you have any other cross-promotion ideas just drop me a line.

<insert lame apology>

Best regards,

<insert made up name>
<insert lame job title>

If you really must send me fake job offers, at least don’t claim you got my details off some employment site I’ve never visited. It really doesn’t help your credibility

Hello,
I have found your job request at <insert name of emplyment web site>. I represent a company seeking for part-time financial contractors. I will describe the offer in a few words below:
Our company (<insert name of credible sounding made up company>) is a trading - financial company is seeking for employees to work with financial correspondence. Our company is investment based enterprise. Your main duties will include operations, regarding distribution, sales, transfers, banking and finance basics. Age, education or gender are no longer barriers for making money with us. We offer the greatest opportunity for career growth and promotion at home.
<insert name of credible sounding made up company> is seeking for responsible, literate and honest persons for the positions in transaction and processing services to be regional clerk. No experience needed to qualify.

Requirements: 1. Be able to check your email several times a day
2. Be able to respond to emails immediately
3. Be responsible and hard working
4. Should have personal (or business) checking bank account
5. Age: from 18 till 70 years
6. Located in the territory of the AU.
7. Have a skill to communicate and access to the Internet.

No experience, no problem.

Salary depends on time spent by employee , average is about <insert really high wage range > weekly.
Employment After you are accepted for employment, you will be assigned to our manager. The manager will inform you by E-mail about the time and nature of the first transaction. Our company assumes full responsibility for insurance, customs and tax registration of funds transaction. You will not have to fill out any documents or pay customs duties! For the initial period you will be offered a part-time employment, later depending on your activity results you can turn to the full-time employment. During working perion your % will grow with every month or transferred sum, the more activity you provide the more money you will make with every transactions. For any additional questions please contact our managers.
We need six representatives , so please respond fast if you would like to start immediately. In this case, please email for more details

E-mail: <insert email address to some obscure free email service>

Thanks, Michael Team manager ,
<insert name of credible sounding made up company>.